I have a dream to be lover.....  This week it has been constantly on my mind and heart to love so deeply that it woo's people to the lover of their souls.  I am learning and growing in this thought of loving deeply.  Sometimes my heart hurts soooo much for having an agenda with love.  There are so many things rushing though my mind I just have to get them out.  Well, this week I did a presentation on people who have down syndrome.  I don't have very much experience with them but one of the most beautiful things about them is they know how to love in such a powerful and free way.  I admire and want to be like them so much.   Sometimes I'm even afraid of what people will do if I love.
          To be a lover!!!! It's one of the most beautiful things.... we were created for!
I have been living with my parent for about 5 months now and it has been a lot of adjusting, crying, laughing, exploding, communicating, learning, and learning how to love.  I deffinetly don't have it down yet but have been growing so much.  For some reason this week something clicked inside of me with loving my parents and it's been the most freeing and amazing thing ever.  I love them with all my heart and I'm completely "in" with loving deeply.  It has definetly been a process but this week I have been undone by this beauty freely loving where someone is at in this journey.  The lover of my soul has loved me so deeply that sometimes I feel so undeserving of this deep love.  My lover also showed me that I can love people to love.  Not with any intentions or hiden agendas but just pure love.  Sometimes the most freeing thing  to do is love.  I have to confess that as a christian I have loved people out of duty, sacrifice, religion, rules, law, to make me look good and the list can go on and on.....and this makes me feel so sick and ugly inside.  Please forgive me I want to learn to love and see you for how amazing you are and to love you genuinely.